The Haves and the Have Nots or Why I Hate Keith

This week's challenge was to create an outfit from Saturn car parts. Product placement much, Project Runway? GM created Saturn to capitalize on the interest in compact German and Japanese cars (you know, Volkswagon, Honda, Toyota - cars that people like with decent engineering and resale value) a little more than 20 years ago, and somehow, they haven't come to the realization that their experiment has failed. Nobody wants a Saturn. The only thing worse is a Daewoo.
I'm not sure why, considering the apparent credibility/marketability of Project Runway, they would tie themselves to this endless parading series of low-rent marketing duds - Bluefly, Macy's, Saturn, L'oreal (drugstore cosmetics?! que horror! How middle America!). These sponsors are the very antithesis of high fashion, the kinds of companies and products that you would be hard-pressed to even imagine seeing in the pages of Vogue. It doesn't really make sense unless this fashion parade is a rube in chic clothing...
I'll try not to bore you with my Keith-hating rantings, but hear some words from the horse's mouth:
"I'm sick of presenting these outfits that stand out so much and having them be so critical of me - so I'm gonna make sure whatever I do is more tailored and a little bit toned down"
Keith, you're not edgy and innovative like you think you are. You were already one note and boring. There was no need to edit yourself to be even more unbelievably boring in an effort to placate the judges.
"I wouldn't trust my taste, apparently it's questionable"
Though said with irony, this was the most honest and reasonable thing you said this entire episode.
"I just feel like I deserve it more than the others"
That's exactly your problem. You feel this sense of entitlement, but you did absolutely nothing to EARN it.
"Did you sit down? Oh my god, I knew you were gonna sit down!"
"I've given a small task to a model and I hope she could follow directions"
Hrm...it's strange that a tall woman might have to sit down to have her hair and makeup done! I mean, couldn't the stylists just climb a ladder so they could work on her head? Seriously, you fucktard, if you knew she was gonna sit down in hair and makeup (which btw, is both a perfectly reasonable assumption and a perfectly reasonable thing to do) why did you let her wear the skirt she couldn't sit down in down to hair and makeup in the first place?! It seemed to me the actions of a desperate man who likes to control others and was searching for an excuse for why the back of his garment looked like it was put together by Helen Keller.
I didn't believe that gay misogynists could exist until now. Thank you Mormons for creating a monster.
It was nice to see Laura again filling in for Nina and to see someone being forceful in conversation with Keith. He really needed a slice of humble pie and I'm not sure his ejection really gave it to him. Did anyone else notice what a passive aggressive man-child he was? He was slamming things and mumbling and complaining all the time.
Well, that certainly wasn't too rant-y now was it?
I loved the little tidbit about Stella's boyfriend Ratbones. Does that mean if she marries him she'll get to be Mrs. Ratbones? That's one lucky lady.
What the hell was Heidi on about with the broken mirror is seven years no sex? Maybe that's just her idea of bad luck?


Blayne


Awful. It doesn't look right at all. If it had been edited or well constructed you might have achieved something fashionable, or at least something that doesn't make me throw up in my mouth.


Jerell


I really love the top. It's very edgy and interesting. I didn't love the skirt, especially from the back it seemed too short. This was the first time I didn't find your drama too tacky and cheesy.


Joe


It didn't work for me. It wasn't cute and the fit didn't flatter. It looked like a retread of the olympics challenge, but you did have immunity, so I'm willing to overlook it.


Keith


Awful. See above. Ding dong, the bitch is dead!


Kenley


It's not horrible, but it's not right. The top is poorly executed, the skirt's proportions were okay but not great. Maybe it would've looked different with your old model, but we'll never know. I think there should've been less whining and more work tweaking the fit.


Korto


I liked it. It did seem a little too stiff to totally escape the stigma of car materials. I'm wondering if you can work without volume.


Leanne


Perfection. Well deserved win.


Stella


"How embarrassing - rushing"
The skirt was pretty, but the top and the bottom are disconnected. It didn't work as a whole. The judges were right on in that dept.


Suede


To me, this looked crappy and cheap and maybe should've been in the bottom 3.
No taste and lots of dead relatives trotted out for sympathy lately.


Terri


I didn't like it. I didn't like the pants looking like they had knee pads and shin guards. The whole thing was like a Stella design and didn't work for me.

My predicted top 3:
1. Korto
2. Leanne
3. Joe

I think Stella, Suede, and Blayne are all just shiny baubles there for entertainment value. I think Kenley is likely to get in her own way and I think Jerell and Terri both have very questionable taste. Let's watch what happens.

Thank goodness this episode didn't drag: Good Queen Fun

This weeks challenge was to create a look for a drag queen. Thank the lord the show finally got interesting, and got some interesting men and women! Annida Greencard reminded me of Gene Simmons from Never Too Young to Die:

When is this gonna hit DVD?!
Joe, besides making the strongest look, really charmed in this episode. He was obviously frightened of the queens. He transitioned from fearful looks to acceptance with his super straight boobie dance and he truly listened to and benefited from his client's feedback.
I'm with Leanne. If I hear one more licious out of Blayne, so help me. She can be really funny and insightful, see "barflicious".
Suede is insane. He was zoning out and then his grandfather's ghost appeared to him and scattered seeds on his garment? Freudian much?! What a sad forced ploy to punch up a yawn outfit and drum up sympathy. I loved it that Hedda Lettuce was such a ballbuster. She had Suede so on the defensive he dropped all his third person mumbo jumbo and started using "I" like a sane person.
I was so happy to see my two most hated in the bottom two. Everybody wins when the bland baby and the Mormon asshat have a fifty-fifty chance of going home.
Ru Paul was one fierce bitch. I love that she smacked the designers around, some of them need a beating.


Blayne
and Miss Understood


They were perfect for each other with all that neon. That being said, he got a pass for this "gay Jurassic Park" getup because it looked sloppy on the runway.

Daniel
and Annida Greenkard


Classic fool behavior: "I'm not worried AT ALL about Tim's critique". They sunk your battleship. When will they learn?! He should've been out long before. He didn't seem to have a work ethic or a brain in his tenure with runway. He was whiny, I hate his stupid contacts, grrrrr....I can't believe he tried to draw a dividing line between Cirque du Soleil, Vegas, and drag queens. Sequins have a place in ALL THREE! You're more ridiculous than I thought if you think that your outfit was classy and representative of what a drag queen should be.


Jerell
and LeMay


I don't know that it was bottom three worthy, but I didn't really like it. I suppose they put you down there because you missed the mark in terms of aesthetic. My comment in my notes was: "Just like always..." It's been obvious to me that there's no dividing line in taste for you between women and drag queens, but this challenge clenched it.


Joe
and Varla Jean Merman


Cute.


Keith
and Sherry Vine


Ick. I loved Kors' priceless comment: "Sad chicken".
You are an asshole. You are a bad designer. If you don't go home next week....


Kenley
and Farrah Moans


I thought this was cute.


Korto
and Sweetie


I disagreed with the judges about this being flattering. It was beautiful from the front, but sad from the back. I think the win for Joe was justified.


Leanne
and Sharon Needles


It was okay. Not bold enough I guess. Not "normal", but the colors seemed too subdued for a queen.


Stella
and Luisa Verde


I can't believe I'm gonna say this about you, Stella, but this garment was too understated.


Suede
and Hedda Lettuce


It turned out to be pretty cute, I think because of the changes Hedda prompted. It could've been a whole lot more interesting if you had collaborated with a more fashion forward ghost.


Terri
and Acid Betty


It was obviously the most bold statement. I love everything Japanese. I think the makeup and the hair went a LONG way towards making the outfit. The actual construction seemed haphazard. I'm not sure I should see a queen's nipple on the runway, but maybe Acid Betty rolls that way...

On the shit list:
1.Keith
2.Jerell
3.Blayne

Who cares about Brooke Shields?

I apologize for my lateness, once again. All I can say for myself is - go see Tropic Thunder for Robert Downey, Jr if nothing else.
This week the designers were making something for high-powered, chic professional woman. Wait, she only plays one on TV. Cashmere Mafia, Lipstick Jungle, what's the difference? Both are pathetic shadows capitalizing on the success of HBO's Sex and the City, watered down for network television. Wow, so one got renewed huh? That's because NBC (home of Lipstick Jungle) has a superior product, of course. Hmmm...maybe I was naive before. I mean, ABC is such a successful network in comparison to NBC (#4 of 5), that maybe they just didn't need a show with low ratings dragging down their success, while NBC (like a shitfaced frat boy) takes anything it can get. That's right, suck it, GE! Don't try to ram your corporate synergy down my throat if you can't make a good tv show (30 Rock and Heroes excluded).
I think there are decent shows on all the big 5 networks, excepting the CW. I am amused and appreciative of Gossip Girl's newest campaign billboarding Los Angeles, but I haven't really been invested since Buffy left and stopped watching completely when Gilmore Girls wrapped. Since I can safely assume that everyone reading this has basic cable, or access to it, I think we can all agree that cable networks are where it's at when it comes to scripted shows. Even networks like AMC are getting into the game and kicking broadcast television's overly censored ass. Please watch the first season of Mad Men if you don't believe me.
I dream of a utopia where network tv has withered and died and the FCC along with it, but that's because I care about the quality of entertainment (which tends to have greater moral and social value if it's really good than if it's designed to stuff it's values down my throat; I'm talking to you Seventh Heaven and everything on ABC Family).
Wow, that was my TV rant. Okay, so, I sat watching Brooke Shields, who may be named a fashion icon as a former model who was one of the youngest on the cover of Vogue, but has NO relevence in the fashion world today and likely in the past 20 odd years, and I think again that Bravo may be trying to torpedo this lovely show before it goes to Lifetime.
The designers were charged with creating a day to night look for her character on Lipstick Jungle and were put into teams of two. To ratchet up the drama, of course the designers had to pitch to Shields and then pick the second member of their team playground style. Props to Jerell for being so enthusiastic in receiving the last pick (Stella).
There was no immunity prize this week because the gift of being exhibited on the fourth ranked broadcast tv network on a midseason replacement show's hail mary second season is so great! It's like having an outfit on bluefly.com, only better!
Props to Tim for sugar coating that pill and coaxing me to swallow it.
The pitch excerpts were horribly awkward. Here, Keith really stood out. "I've definitely worked with different body types and what not." Sir, your eloquence does you credit. He really stepped up his giant flaming asshole campaign when he said of his partner Kenley that he needed to "get her to shut her mouth...and stick to sewing". Suede was so overwrought, you'd think someone asked him to perform surgery with a penknife instead of sewing a top Terri-style. I don't blame Terri for being annoyed, but I do blame her for saying one of the creepiest things I've heard come out of anybody's mouth for a long time. I won't do you the disservice of quoting her verbatim, but I think we all noticed when she said nobody's sucking on her titties. This was supposed to cast Suede in an infantile light, but instead it just creeped me out, big time.


Blayne and Leanne


Not office appropriate. Bland. Bottom two? Questionable.


Kelli and Daniel


Skanky = Kor's "slutty, slutty, slutty"
I don't like Daniel. He seems so manufactured as to be a mannequin. I was disappointed to lose Kelli in favor of keeping him. Kenley laughing hysterically when Daniel says he has taste was priceless, but the way it was edited made it look really manufactured...I wondered if there was a response to the open question of why she was laughing, or if they had less to do with each other than it seemed. It might've been a bitch move...but since I don't like Daniel, I can't complain.


Jerell and Stella


I loved you both better seeing you be such a cute team. I don't like either of you individually as designers, but together you made something awesome. It may not have been right for the character on Lipstick Jungle, but it would be awesome on someone young and fashionable...


Korto and Joe


Awful. Looks cheap and resembles a bad science fiction costume that an alien race would be wearing. How this avoided the bottom two I'll never know, I guess because she had immunity and it would've been a fixed race?


Keith and Kenley


It looks nice - expensive and well put together, but I didn't really like it. By the principles of logic that makes it perfect for Lipstick Jungle.


Terri and Suede


Meh. I thought it looked like a Cavalli rip off and was unflattering. Tim liked it, so maybe it just didn't translate on screen? Maybe Tim just wanted an excuse for a group hug with Suede? Wait, that's right, he wasn't invited and decided to horn in.