The Big Green

I'm sorry I'm late. I had to write a big report and right when I'm raring to go, Blogger goes down.
This week there were a few surprises. The challenge handed to the designers this week was to design a cocktail dress inspired by their models using green fabric. Everybody's dress was not a verdant hue, all of the fabric was green as defined by national geographic: "Organic, fair-trade and low-impact dyed fabrics and natural yarns for sewing and knitting." The big three are cotton, hemp, and silk. Much of this fabric is ivory or white because it has not been dyed. Oddly, I dont' recall the show really explaining "green" so much as throwing it around like a buzzword. Not that I'm a tree-hugger or anything. I hate hippies as much as Cartman. But hey, when in LA, do as the Angelenos do. Besides, just because you hate hippies, doesn't mean you also hate the environment, just it's self-appointed guardians.
Can I just say that my husband can affirm that I totally called Natalie Portman as the guest judge? I heard about her Vegan shoe line awhile back. Check out her designs here:
Te Casan shoes
My sister is a vegan, I have nothing against the life style, but why in the world would I pay 200-400 for a pair of limited edition synthetic shoes? If I wanted plastic shoes I could grab a pair of stilettos in Steppin' Out. If you haven't heard of this store, just imagine the place stippers go to get their pole dancin' shoes and you're on track. But honestly, a lot of cheap shoes are made from synthetic materials...I'm not sure what the difference is other than someone telling us that their shoes are "cruelty free".
Let's get to the designers. Suede, for the love of god, stop referring to yourself in the third person. I noticed you dropped that shit in front of the judging panel. I would've liked to see Natalie Portman say, "Suede can kiss Natalie Portman's movie star ass."
Blayne was alternately retarded (as usual) and actually funny <--shocking! His Heidi as Darth Vader was a disgustingly poor metaphor. First of all, if you have to explain a nickname... She's shiny on the outside and crazy on the inside? Are you saying Heidi Klum is actually a shriveled old man inside a supermodel suit? Like Meet Dave only less annoying because Eddie Murphy is nowhere to be seen? Then came the shocking actually funny part, when he was making fun of Stella. His leather riff was catty and hilarious. See below for quotage.

Blayne


"My kids came out of me leather" (imitating Stella)
"I love your leather face" (to Stella's face)
I acutally thought your design was much better this week. It did remind me of Body Glove and the 1980s, but in a much less Mad Max costume-y, vomit in mouth way. It was actually kinda sweet looking. Not really a cocktail dress though.

Daniel


I like the idea, but it looks somber and sloppy.

Emily


This is barely even a teddy. Way too short, ill-fitting, and sloppy.

Jerell


I hate this. It looks like a lampshade or centerpiece or some non-clothing item. In my show notes I said looks like a napkin chandelier.

Jennifer


Not very cocktail, but I love this. It looks sweet and easy to wear and the color combination is very fresh.

Joe


I think it's well-constructed, but where's the imagination? It looks like an off the rack prom dress from Jessica McClintock.

Keith


Short, shiny, ruched. Not remotely flattering. Looks like a dress made of ghostly entrails.

Kelli


Luckily, you had immunity. Phoned in and weird. No me gusta. Sadly, still better than several other short, shiny, and tight numbers.

Kenley


Chic.

Korto


Looks unfinished, like the lining to a dress. Not well executed. Why don't they ever listen to Tim?

Leanne


Again, why don't you listen to Tim?
Totally overwrought. I called it interestingly wrong in my notes.

Stella


I don't get why this made the top 3. It's bad retro. I will say this, it's much less slutty than many of the other dresses because it looks calculated. I guess that means it's well executed. I still think it's not very tasteful, but then neither is Stella.

Suede


I don't like Suede but I like this dress, at least in concept. I don't think the fit was quite right. It seemed a little too easy through the shoulders and torso, but what do I know? Maybe it looked better in person to win. I would call it the most creative.

Terri


I thought this was lovely. I would've rather seen it in the top 3 than Stella's design. Maybe it was too much like Kenley's to judge them against each other?

Wesley


Definitely earned the loser position. Looks so ugly. All that work made it look sloppy. I think Kors said it looked like 20 different hands had touched it. I couldn't agree more. Glad to lose the shorts too.

Welcome to the Freakshow

Welcome back to Project Runway and my blogging and my three readers! Let's see if my skills have gone to pot in the off season.
I'm sure most of you hardcore fans have heard that Project Runway is slated to move to Lifetime after it's fifth and final season on Bravo and that the show's production company - Magical Elves is also being left behind.
So my question is, does Bravo really want people to watch what happens? I didn't see much in the way of project runway promos for this season. It seems to me that a smart network would want to hobble their prize racehorse before it ran against them...I suppose that remains to be seen.
Harkening back to the first design challenge of Project Runway Season 1, the designers had to find materials to make a design in Gristedes grocery store.
Darling Austin Scarlett appeared looking like Willy Wonka.

Well, first things first. Does everyone else hate Blayne as much as I do? Not in the Santino Rice sort of mustache-twirling villian way, but in the "when can we stop looking at it" sort of way? His manufactured catch phrases, so much less endearing than Christian, and his manufactured tan make him the most annoying contestant I've yet seen on the show. PS, who believes this fake ass bitch's name is really Blayne Walsh? He made up a name that was an amalgamation of Pretty in Pink and 90210 and manages to capture the tackiness of both. If that's not annoying enough, let's spell Blayne with a "Y"! Why is this kid on this show and not in Diablo Cody's entourage?

Call me ageist if you want, but Stella and Terri are both hideous. Both look like they did too many drugs, both are too skinny. Two hot trannie messes!
It doesn't help that I hate both of their aesthetics as well. Terri's lookbook pages included some of the most heinous crap I've ever seen.
There are about four girls with precious girly style and red lipstick that all seem like the same person to me. Where's the girl who wears jeans?
It seems like experience makes designers too practical. I was disappointed in the lack of boldness/innovation in their materials selection.


Emily Brandle

This chick reminds me of Taryn Manning if she didn't look like a drugged-out prostitute. Maybe TM is Emily's evil twin.

Tablecloth, Balloons, Napkins, Bouncy Ball

This out was pretty meh. The only interesting part was the neck ruff and was so reminiscent of Chris' speciality last season but with a poorer execution.


Jerell Scott


Tablecloth, Lawn Chairs, Cocktail Umbrellas, Koosh Ball

Looks like the waitress uniform for a Mexican restaurant.


Leanne Marshall


Tablecloth, Meringue Cookies, Coffee Filters, Marshmallows

Cute. Safe materials. Boring results.


Korto Momlu

Has the most amazing name ever. Sounds like a movie title.
She is either very reserved or a bitch. Only time will tell. I do love her makeup.

Tablecloth, Kale, Bell Peppers, Cherry Tomatoes

Beautiful colors. I loved the vegetables. There was too much dress for me. Short hem or shorter sleeves wouldn't been less overwhelming.


Jennifer Diederich


Paper Towels and Lipstick

Tragically safe and forgettable, just like Jennifer. The only positive thing I can say is, at least there's no tablecloth.

Daniel Feld


Plastic cups and muslin

Loved it. Beautiful color, classic design. Dress for a siren.
He has the reserved energy of Daniel V.


Terri Stevens


Mop Heads and Tablecloth

Crap.


Suede

Quotes: "Suede needed to make millions for Suede"; "Whackadoodle"
This guys annoys me. He's not that likable and the one named factor ain't helping.

Tablecloth and Doggie Waste Bags

So ugly! Bad length, bad neckline, hideous fabric. How'd this snake by the bottom 3?

Stella Zotis


The quote master general!
"I'm gonna make what I do"<--What the hell does that even mean?
She looks like Cher might've looked after hard drugs and no plastic surgery. Then she complains about the quality of her garbage bags "The aesthetic might turn out to be garbage" the worst part is, she didn't seem to be conscious of any irony. "If I'm the first eliminated designer I'm gonna be the jackass of the nation" No ma'am, I think that title is safe with President Bush, and I was surprised that this self fulfilling prophecy didn't come to pass. I guess they expect you to do something interesting?

Garbage Bags

Sigh.


Joe Faris

A straight man with kids...interesting.

Oven mitts, Pasta, Muslin, Tomato Can Labels

Hideous top, great skirt.

Kenley Collins


Dodge Ball, Lawn Chair, Tablecloth

For me this dress just works. The model was particularly great.


Jerry Tam

We get it. You're hot shit. You think you're slumming. Of course your design sucks.

Shower Curtain, Tablecloth, Gauze, Napkins, Rubber Gloves

Nuts!
The American Psycho comment was right on. This was no April Showers, May Flowers...


Wesley Nault


Tablecloth, Fly Swatter, Plastic Cups

Okay. Doesn't flatter the model. Doesn't have much visual interest. We saw much worse.


Blayne Walsh

Ugh. Please stop saying Girlicious. In fact, please stop talking. I beg you.

Drawer Liners, Shoelaces, Jump Rope, Potholders

I can appreciate it for being different. A train wreck is powerfully interesting to look at too. It couldn't be further from my taste. Too bad this picture doesn't have Girlicious written on the model's thigh (as it was on the runway).

Kelli Martin

"It's gonna be a pretty ugly dress, for sure. Pretty ugly in a great way"
Is that like Steve Buscemi? I'm not sure that something can actually be ugly in a great way, at least not in my experience.

Vacuum Bags, Bleach, Dye, Coffee Filters, Thumbtacks, and Notebooks

Pretty. Interesting. Great show of ingenuity. I can't fault them for giving it to her.


Keith Bryce


Tablecloth, Laundry Bags, Car Shade

Safe. Pretty, but boring, just like him.