The Big Green

I'm sorry I'm late. I had to write a big report and right when I'm raring to go, Blogger goes down.
This week there were a few surprises. The challenge handed to the designers this week was to design a cocktail dress inspired by their models using green fabric. Everybody's dress was not a verdant hue, all of the fabric was green as defined by national geographic: "Organic, fair-trade and low-impact dyed fabrics and natural yarns for sewing and knitting." The big three are cotton, hemp, and silk. Much of this fabric is ivory or white because it has not been dyed. Oddly, I dont' recall the show really explaining "green" so much as throwing it around like a buzzword. Not that I'm a tree-hugger or anything. I hate hippies as much as Cartman. But hey, when in LA, do as the Angelenos do. Besides, just because you hate hippies, doesn't mean you also hate the environment, just it's self-appointed guardians.
Can I just say that my husband can affirm that I totally called Natalie Portman as the guest judge? I heard about her Vegan shoe line awhile back. Check out her designs here:
Te Casan shoes
My sister is a vegan, I have nothing against the life style, but why in the world would I pay 200-400 for a pair of limited edition synthetic shoes? If I wanted plastic shoes I could grab a pair of stilettos in Steppin' Out. If you haven't heard of this store, just imagine the place stippers go to get their pole dancin' shoes and you're on track. But honestly, a lot of cheap shoes are made from synthetic materials...I'm not sure what the difference is other than someone telling us that their shoes are "cruelty free".
Let's get to the designers. Suede, for the love of god, stop referring to yourself in the third person. I noticed you dropped that shit in front of the judging panel. I would've liked to see Natalie Portman say, "Suede can kiss Natalie Portman's movie star ass."
Blayne was alternately retarded (as usual) and actually funny <--shocking! His Heidi as Darth Vader was a disgustingly poor metaphor. First of all, if you have to explain a nickname... She's shiny on the outside and crazy on the inside? Are you saying Heidi Klum is actually a shriveled old man inside a supermodel suit? Like Meet Dave only less annoying because Eddie Murphy is nowhere to be seen? Then came the shocking actually funny part, when he was making fun of Stella. His leather riff was catty and hilarious. See below for quotage.

Blayne


"My kids came out of me leather" (imitating Stella)
"I love your leather face" (to Stella's face)
I acutally thought your design was much better this week. It did remind me of Body Glove and the 1980s, but in a much less Mad Max costume-y, vomit in mouth way. It was actually kinda sweet looking. Not really a cocktail dress though.

Daniel


I like the idea, but it looks somber and sloppy.

Emily


This is barely even a teddy. Way too short, ill-fitting, and sloppy.

Jerell


I hate this. It looks like a lampshade or centerpiece or some non-clothing item. In my show notes I said looks like a napkin chandelier.

Jennifer


Not very cocktail, but I love this. It looks sweet and easy to wear and the color combination is very fresh.

Joe


I think it's well-constructed, but where's the imagination? It looks like an off the rack prom dress from Jessica McClintock.

Keith


Short, shiny, ruched. Not remotely flattering. Looks like a dress made of ghostly entrails.

Kelli


Luckily, you had immunity. Phoned in and weird. No me gusta. Sadly, still better than several other short, shiny, and tight numbers.

Kenley


Chic.

Korto


Looks unfinished, like the lining to a dress. Not well executed. Why don't they ever listen to Tim?

Leanne


Again, why don't you listen to Tim?
Totally overwrought. I called it interestingly wrong in my notes.

Stella


I don't get why this made the top 3. It's bad retro. I will say this, it's much less slutty than many of the other dresses because it looks calculated. I guess that means it's well executed. I still think it's not very tasteful, but then neither is Stella.

Suede


I don't like Suede but I like this dress, at least in concept. I don't think the fit was quite right. It seemed a little too easy through the shoulders and torso, but what do I know? Maybe it looked better in person to win. I would call it the most creative.

Terri


I thought this was lovely. I would've rather seen it in the top 3 than Stella's design. Maybe it was too much like Kenley's to judge them against each other?

Wesley


Definitely earned the loser position. Looks so ugly. All that work made it look sloppy. I think Kors said it looked like 20 different hands had touched it. I couldn't agree more. Glad to lose the shorts too.