The boring one with the sports guy....

So, this week the designers had to make an outfit for sports "great" Tiki Barber.
How can a bald man make all that glittery dandruff?
Who was formerly a running back for the New York Giants (they repeated it enough times that it stuck). I hate football. Ahem, and he is now a correspondent for the Today show *yawn*. I hate morning television and news shows (except for you John Stewart). Anyways, the designers (many of whom had never made menswear before) were quite flummoxed with this challenge. There was, to quote Christian, a lot of hand-sewn crap up in there. On the upside, there were lots of attractive male models in their skivvies, and Tiki Barber ain't half bad himself. Witness the horror...


Jillian
All I can say is roughly hewn, 70s-tastic monstrosity.


Carmen
The original design was a dated mess. The finished product was just a mess. She should've bought shirt in a can...


Christian
"Asians are fierce"
I liked the shirt. The jacket's contrast detail repelled me. Stop it with the jackets already, okay doll?


Kit
Boring but Polished. So many of the outfits looked sloppy, and yours looked so neat. Since Tiki appears to dress so conservatively, I think you hit the right note. I liked the fleece jacket. Creativity points *snaps*.


Rami
I liked it, but it was much too "LA hipster" for your client.


Sweet P
You gotta give the girl points for making the most memorable shirt in history...and for not bullshitting us. She rightly pointed out that it looked like it was made by a kindergartener. The pants saved you woman.


Steven
You were so cute gushing over the male models. The contrast collar on your sweater and the long-crotched pants repelled me. Obviously your conservative (geriatric Republican retiree living in Florida) is much more conservative than Tiki's conservative.


Victorya
It looked polished, but also too forward for a Tiki.


Kevin
"Every one of the gay guys was freaking out...being the only straight guy, I was like, Whatever"
Want to smack your face SO HARD! You are such an annoying New Jersey man-scaped metrosexual homophobe! Please stop telling us you're straight. Please. Actions speak louder than words. How about next week you can go by yourself to a strip club and smack a dancer's ass? That'll really put your STUPID point across. I can't even talk about your outfit because I hate you so much. Except to say it wasn't very straight, unlike you, apparently!


Chris
I still love you, but your outfit looked like a hitman or someone from the Adams Family. Lighten up.


Jack
I don't think you should've won. You are starting to grow on me. You seem sweet, but still a little too Captain Awesome for my tastes. Your pants and shirt were very well made and did, as you claimed, look store bought. But though that puts you a step above sloppy and ugly, I'm not sure looking store bought is what the show is going for...Kit was robbed.


Ricky
"Ricky doesn't look so good" -Tim Gunn
Couldn't have said it better myself, Tim. Ricky. I hate your hats and I told you if you started weeping again it would be the last time. That jacket was SO ill fitting. You're lucky you got out alive. Your days are numbered.


Elisa
Where were your crazy antics this week? Other than "My boyfriend is the only male I choose to touch" (I pity any sons you may shoot out in the future) you didn't divert me at all. Okay, I lied. Your futuristic commune uniform was pretty funny.
In a future with no buttons, zippers, or details of any kind...when mankind is forced to weave all his own cloth and make simple garments by hand...There was Mr. Super Organic Hippie Man!

In my Fave 5:
Kit
Christian
Steven
Rami
Tim Gunn

The SJP episode aka Bite me, Marion.

Team week! This means, all of the designers came up with a concept for some cheap ass clothing ($15 in materials to retail for $40 in Steve and Barry - has anyone seen one of these K-marts of the trendy clothing scene? I haven't.) SJP..."Hello, Gorgeous"

is judging the designs and picking 7 to run with as potential two piece outfits for her Bitten line...
Though there may not be a clear winner this week, there was definitely a CLEAR loser. Oh lord, picking the losers has never been this easy!

So the teams are as such:
Kit and Chris


I love you both darlings, but seriously. Who but a stick could wear that incredibly tight number that's more shirt than tunic and leggings? I don't know how many people I have to tell. Leggings aren't pants, they're just really warm tights...and nobody should be walking around with spandex cloth as the only thing covering their ass. There's a reason Jazzercise is dead. Why did you do it Chris, darling? You should have fought for your curvy sistahs!


Jillian and Rami


Boring. I had to watch the end twice to see what you made. I'm still not sure what the sleeves actually looked like thanks to your lifeless model. There's just so much fabric. It's like a confused and ugly trench coat. Headband has gotta go.


Christian and Carmen


What all-spandex mini dress doesn't say "I'm every woman"? It was so Alaia layered with Members Only jacket I wanted to bust out my:

I totally get the dislike here. But I still love Christian because he's a complicated boy. One second he's rudely cutting off the judges to "hear what Sarah thinks", then he's man-ing up and taking responsibility for his design flopping. You're a classy bitch *kiss kiss*.


Elisa and Sweet Pea


Woman...if the wild child Sweet P has to cross herself in response to your outlandish behavior, you doin' something right. Yes, we were all appalled by your "spit mark" in place of fabric marker or some other "logical" and "sanitary" form of garment marking...but its not like you'll be able to spit on all our clothes if you win honey, unless you stick to true couture. I do have to say, I loved this dress and cape with its "polymorphic" super power...does this mean I can transform into a fire truck? With a spit powered hose?

Jack and Ricky


We all know Ricky picked Jack to win him over with his Latin charm and hats o' plenty. Their dress was one of my two favorites - something I would REALLY wear. That being said, is a dress and a belt really a two piece outfit? No. I think it's a one piece outfit with accessories...Nice try boys.

Marion and Steven


C.R.A.P. A burlap sack with fringe. Wow, with that belt it's so chic. Wait, maybe if I gouge out my eyes? Nope, just like the treatment plant in summer time, I can still smell the shit...

Victorya and Kevin


My darlings, I think Victorya's PR skills sold this one. It was so trendy. Not ugly or even forgettable. But wearable? I think not. Why not let Christian win the first ep if we're doing runway chic? Volume is NOT my friend.

In My Fave 5:
Elisa
Sweet P
Jack
Ricky (but you could cry your way out honey, keep those eyes dry)
Chris (for crying over SJP, god love ya)