My Torch to Bear

The challenge this week was to make as many viewers' eyes bleed as possible. However, Project Runway claims it was to create a look for the opening ceremony of the summer Olympic games. Can anyone argue this wasn't an awful challenge? I would venture to say roughly 50% of the designers didn't make anything remotely athletic or sporty. Almost all of them save 1-2 didn't make anything remotely creative.
I place partial blame on the challenge itself. Yes, it has topical relevance with the Olympic games currently going on in Beijing. Yes, Apolo Ohno is certainly a good choice for a guest judge, capitalizing on his being in the public consciousness. I wouldn't have known about his tenure on Dancing with the Stars if I hadn't been watching with my mother-in-law. Ironically, I hate most reality television.
That being said, how much creativity can a designer be allowed to exercise in a challenge that seems to require both genderless athletic wear and such a limited color palette? With such polished and specialized design contestants as the show now seems to attract, can any of them think outside the box when pushed out of their comfort zone? The answer, based on this challenge, seems to be a resounding NO.

Blayne was pretty excited for this challenge. According to him "thousands and millions and billions of people" watch the opening ceremony. Oh yeah, well I hate you infinity plus one! Naah-nah nah naah-nah! I heard let the fashion games begin almost as much as I heard about Suede being Suede, the cleverness hasn't worn off, I can assure you!
Blayne talked more about tanning. Keith was a giant self important asshole, or at least he was cut that way, stealing fabric and sewing machines willy-nilly. They should give him a prop mustache to twirl. Better yet, make it out of his rat tail.
Jerell called Blayne tanorexic, which I must admit gave me a cheap chuckle. Everyone whining about Kenley laughing too much just made me shake my head. Put on an iPod or earplugs and stop yer bitching.
Blayne's Beatles ignorance was truly sickening. It's official. This child was raised by incredibly tan wolves. I can't believe Tim let him write it off to age and didn't call a rube when he saw one.
I just don't know about this crop of designers. Where's the lovable one? There are scores of Jeffreys and Santinos, but no Austin or Chris(tian)s to relieve our suffering.
Now on to the train wreck.

Blayne


Bland. What's with the asymmetrical long sleeve? First Stella and now you?


Daniel


It's a great retro flight attendant outfit/Madmen costume, but what does this have to do with athletic competition?


Jennifer


What the hell was the queen of bland thinking with this Holly Hobby dress? She should've been auf-ed last week.


Jerell


The worst yet in terms of missing the mark. I hope you made your first hat your last, you ridiculous man.


Joe


It looked like official gear, actually athletic. The skort execution was off. The front panel shouldn't have hung the way it did or been that long in relation to the shorts. Definitely not the winner.


Keith


Eh. Ugh. Crap.



Kelli


Precious western wear. I could imagine Zooey Deschanel wearing this in a She & Him music video...

Kenley


Sloppy execution, bad retro. Thank god for your get out of jail free card.


Korto


Nice. I think you were the best. Did I think anyone was great? No. I didn't notice them committing to actually using the outfits in the Olympics, since nothing good came of this challenge.


Leanne


I really liked this actually. It was a cool Jetsons kinda retro. The collar doesn't turn out as well in this photograph. I'm afraid the execution may not have been up to snuff.


Stella


Hilarious. Nothing like slutty American Gladiator type Olympians. I imagine that this would fit the image much of the rest of the world has of America.


Suede


Ridiculous. What's up with this posh cheerleader outfit?


Terri


I was not rapturous about this like the judges. Maybe it looked better in person. I'm not sure why I am in such hearty disagreement about you with them, but I am. I think your taste level is HIGHLY suspect. I couldn't believe no one said a thing about that tube top. On the runway walk, the model's chest was exploding out of it. Then in the judging panel the scarf was covering it. It kinda looked to me like it was a tube top that ended below the chest, but I can't be sure. It certainly looked poorly fitted/unfinished to me and that was enough to knock you below Korto in my opinion.

Holla @ Timlicious?

To that I say, nay.
This week the designers had to create a look for going out on the town inspired by New York at night. The soggy double-decker tourbus dropped a group in the areas of Washington Square Park, Times Square, New York Public Library, and Greenwich Village. They were given an hour to photograph inspirations for their look.
Of course, Stella doesn't know how to work modern technology (very rock and roll - did you see how Ozzy can't turn on his television without Sharon's help?) and Blayne is chasing the neon dragon.
Blayne is back on my shit list. What the f&$% was up with him staring creepily bug eyed at Kenley and saying he was going to eat her? Did he think it was precious? It would've been way funnier if he threatened to tan her...
He's just a weirdo for attention's sake as far as I can see, and as a true weirdo who's in it for myself, I just can't respect a whore in a weirdo suit.
Worse than Blayne, Suede's talking about Suede appears to be escalating. It is spiraling out of control. Please somebody stop him before this epidemic spreads.
The only thing that could make Blayne worse is if he started referring to himself as Blaynelicious.
I'm pretty sure that shot of Stella in spandex prison stripe pants blinded me for at least 5 minutes. Someone needs to pass a spandex law. I think the only solution is to outlaw it altogether.
Why was Sandra Bernhardt a guest judge? Why not just use Kathy Griffin. Aren't they interchangable? I always thought she was like Diet Sandra Bernhardt or Sandra Bernhardt Zero. I know Bravo could use some more cross promotion. SB is one of those cautionary "keep the botulism outta yer face" tales.
I love Tim no matter what, but I wish he wouldn't lend encouragement to the catch phrasers. That being said, it's always great to teach the older generation slang and watch them stumble with it, it's like watching dogs get drunk or toddlers swear.


Blayne


This is either a gay pride parade float or wardrobe from a Jem and the Holograms show. It's repugnant. Just as grossly annoying as Emily's but less classy and more drag queen.


Daniel


Off the rack. Not the best fabric or the best presentation. The hem looks sloppy and I'm bored.


Emily


This dress was uninspired. Tim tried to steer you right, but like so many before you, his sound advice was disregarded. Your designs bear resemblance to your taste in jewelry, white trash charms all the way.


Jennifer


You are frumpy, your dress was frumpy. I don't know how you, being more boring than drying paint, were saved in favor of kicking Emily off, but you're lucky.


Jerell


Didn't like it. I felt for a night on the town it was overwrought and resembled a salsa costume. It appeared well made, but would be more appropriate for a gala or red carpet event, and I wouldn't consider either a night out on the town.


Joe


I liked this actually. The detail shots looked better than the wide shot does. I'm not sure the fit was exactly right.


Keith


You are boring. Your newspaper inspiration was thin. Your model was not thanks to your dress made of shapeless cloth globs.


Kelli


I thought it was interesting and provocative. The detail didn't show up wonderfully on the television because of all the black.


Kenley


I should've liked this dress, but I didn't. It was too 80s for me and the print was too Laura Ashley. Not the least bit wearable. If they admired it as a runway piece, it was too reminiscent of Nicolas Ghesquière's Spring 08 Balenciaga designs.

It was certainly bold, but not so fresh.


Korto


Bland. Forgettable.


Leanne


I would've picked this as the winning design. So fresh and easy and could go anywhere. I was glad to see a restrained hand from her this week.


Stella


Great for a night out to the biker bar with Kat Von D. Never gonna be anything more than a tiny niche market designer with your lethas.


Suede


Straight up trash. The fabric is a bad color and looks cheap. The dress looks wrinkled and poorly sewn. The design is awful. Should've been in the bottom three.


Terri


I don't understand this being in the top three. I didn't like it. It was not working at all for me. It seemed pedestrian. I just wrote "ICK!" in my notes.

In my projected top 3:
1.Kelli
2.Joe
3.Kenley

Most awful awards:
1. Suede
2. Blayne
3. Jerell