That's so passe...

So, this week's challenge was to take a weak ass trend and make it fierce! Rrraaaoowww! This was an entertaining episode, and the first that produced garments that really moved me. Although the concept was mean, you can't argue with results...

Team Smug: Jillian, Rami, Kevin
Overalls-Poodle skirt-70s Flair

Jillian, you are an outdated and smug bitch, but I still liked your runway version of overalls. It looks more like a 70s jumpsuit, but it's an undeniably cute piece. Rami, your dress was acceptable and maybe even cute-ish, but I'm not sure putting tulle under a dress is a nod to poodle skirts...hmmm...Kevin, I liked your shorts a lot (they reminded me of a pair of Development shorts I wanted a few seasons ago with their cute button detailing) but that top was NASTY. I can't let this go unsaid...Kevin, you have told me twice (and very directly) that you are NOT GAY. You just completely negated your entire argument with that common turn of phrase "I've gotta pull a magic rabbit out of my ASS". Straight men don't keep rodents in their anal cavities! Straight men pull rabbits out of hats. No wait, that's magicians...hmmm....

Team Star! Kit, Jack, Christian
Fringe-Pleather-Zoot Suit

Kit, I loved the vest, but it's a nice piece on a bad/bland outfit. Jack, I actually really loved this dress. Trendy, pretty, I would belt this and wear tights. Christian, you're my favorite person on this show. You constantly crack me up. But I think I'm taking a seriously dislike to you as a designer. You've been one-note this whole competition, ugly jacket, ugly jacket, ugly jacket, ugly jacket...you made the most forgettable outfit this week. Tres bland.

Team Fabulous: Sweet P, Steven, Chris
Baggy Sweater-Dancewear-Shoulder Pads

Too bad your outfits aren't as fabulous as you are! Sweet P, I know that the judges liked your bland, unflattering, oddly layered bubble hem dress - but I didn't. Steven, I liked that top and would wear it with jeans, but it wasn't dancewear or cohesive to this ugly collection. Chris, your dress was passable, but the jacket was ugly Laura Ashley 80's thrift store tacky crap and ruined any hopes your sweet self had for survival. We'll miss you.

Team Bitchslap: Victorya, Elisa, Ricky
Neon-Underwear as Outerwear-Cut outs

So the ep starts out as, aw, Victorya gathered the freaks under her wing...but this eagle has talons! Victorya, your dress was the best quality of the 3, but you have the worst quality heart. I actually felt bad for Ricky, and I hate Ricky. They kept you in the bottom 3 to break your bitch spirit down. At least you know you're a "bossy cow". Oh, and if your logic told you neon, cut outs, and underwear as outwear goes together, you one tacky ass ho. Elisa, the alien, you were like the young child of two bickering parents who lived in the world of imagination to escape the harsh reality of your twisted home life, and you elected to vote yourself off. I love your free-spirited naiveté. I felt meh about your dress, because it was not remotely wearable, but it was very artistic. Ricky, the one time I would've given you a pass on crying! You were the puppet government of Queen Victorya's evil regime. Why did you ever volunteer to be leader? Your dress was the most heinous offender of the evening in my opinion. It's like an ugly Cirque du Soleil costume...but I guess you can't really call something like that dated (since no decade was stupid enough to make it)...Lucky you, a stay of execution.

In my fave 5 this week:
Jack
Jillian
Sweet P (for having a nervous breakdown when they asked you to vote someone off)
Steven
not Kevin

The boring one with the sports guy....

So, this week the designers had to make an outfit for sports "great" Tiki Barber.
How can a bald man make all that glittery dandruff?
Who was formerly a running back for the New York Giants (they repeated it enough times that it stuck). I hate football. Ahem, and he is now a correspondent for the Today show *yawn*. I hate morning television and news shows (except for you John Stewart). Anyways, the designers (many of whom had never made menswear before) were quite flummoxed with this challenge. There was, to quote Christian, a lot of hand-sewn crap up in there. On the upside, there were lots of attractive male models in their skivvies, and Tiki Barber ain't half bad himself. Witness the horror...


Jillian
All I can say is roughly hewn, 70s-tastic monstrosity.


Carmen
The original design was a dated mess. The finished product was just a mess. She should've bought shirt in a can...


Christian
"Asians are fierce"
I liked the shirt. The jacket's contrast detail repelled me. Stop it with the jackets already, okay doll?


Kit
Boring but Polished. So many of the outfits looked sloppy, and yours looked so neat. Since Tiki appears to dress so conservatively, I think you hit the right note. I liked the fleece jacket. Creativity points *snaps*.


Rami
I liked it, but it was much too "LA hipster" for your client.


Sweet P
You gotta give the girl points for making the most memorable shirt in history...and for not bullshitting us. She rightly pointed out that it looked like it was made by a kindergartener. The pants saved you woman.


Steven
You were so cute gushing over the male models. The contrast collar on your sweater and the long-crotched pants repelled me. Obviously your conservative (geriatric Republican retiree living in Florida) is much more conservative than Tiki's conservative.


Victorya
It looked polished, but also too forward for a Tiki.


Kevin
"Every one of the gay guys was freaking out...being the only straight guy, I was like, Whatever"
Want to smack your face SO HARD! You are such an annoying New Jersey man-scaped metrosexual homophobe! Please stop telling us you're straight. Please. Actions speak louder than words. How about next week you can go by yourself to a strip club and smack a dancer's ass? That'll really put your STUPID point across. I can't even talk about your outfit because I hate you so much. Except to say it wasn't very straight, unlike you, apparently!


Chris
I still love you, but your outfit looked like a hitman or someone from the Adams Family. Lighten up.


Jack
I don't think you should've won. You are starting to grow on me. You seem sweet, but still a little too Captain Awesome for my tastes. Your pants and shirt were very well made and did, as you claimed, look store bought. But though that puts you a step above sloppy and ugly, I'm not sure looking store bought is what the show is going for...Kit was robbed.


Ricky
"Ricky doesn't look so good" -Tim Gunn
Couldn't have said it better myself, Tim. Ricky. I hate your hats and I told you if you started weeping again it would be the last time. That jacket was SO ill fitting. You're lucky you got out alive. Your days are numbered.


Elisa
Where were your crazy antics this week? Other than "My boyfriend is the only male I choose to touch" (I pity any sons you may shoot out in the future) you didn't divert me at all. Okay, I lied. Your futuristic commune uniform was pretty funny.
In a future with no buttons, zippers, or details of any kind...when mankind is forced to weave all his own cloth and make simple garments by hand...There was Mr. Super Organic Hippie Man!

In my Fave 5:
Kit
Christian
Steven
Rami
Tim Gunn