Blue's Got a Clue?

So, this week our designers were hauled over the Brooklyn bridge to a borough! I can't believe Christian didn't spontaneously combust from tacky overload. I've decided that he's a hipster bot. Sent from the future to complain about how tacky the past is. The Christian Whining Chronicles. A dubiously tasteful, but funky lady, told the designers they were to be given white cotton and denim to capture the spirit of blah blah blah = corporate branding! They ran around like chickens with their heads cut off snatching jeans and jackets from clotheslines. First off, I can't believe bravo passed up this opportunity for the great clothespin maiming incident and secondly, how many times this season are they gonna make poor Chris run? I feel so bad seeing all those designers ripping across the floor and to see adorable Chris bringing up the rear a mile back. He's got heart!
Did anyone besides me notice Rami hanging on Sweet P like they were best friends before they went on their field trip? Is that savvy mitigation, or did they use some damn good editing to make him look like a dick last episode?
Finally, I'm sure we were all shocked and horrified at Ricky's stunning revelation that he makes his own hats. They are disgusting. To echo the words of Christian "The fact that Ricky's still here is a joke." I liked part of his outfit, but at the end of the day he has horribly tacky taste and can only make things related to lingerie well - see corset.



Christian
"I'm gonna die of barfness"
Great quote, not so great outfit. I know they liked it. It was edgy and fashion forward, especially compared with the general dress-skewed conservatism of your competitors. That being said, this outfit is not remotely wearable. It is bulemic runway model fashion victim. Which once again leads me to conclude that Christian cannot do RTW. As far as I can tell, everything he does is completely concept driven and totally unwearable. Maybe he's too young to realize that at the end of the day, the people buy what the people can wear. A designer is just a brand or flavor of clothes, and his is a flavor I can't stomach. That said, I would really miss him for entertainment value if he departed.


Chris
"It's so cute to see youth"
"Someone needs to give him a bottle and send him to his bed" of Christian
It was cute, but Tim was spot on and you ignored him (doesn't everyone?). It looked like a mishmash of two different looks, one very structured and dated, and one more distressed and edgy. I'd love to see you at Bryant Park, but it looks like you may not be able to reign in your oft questionable taste until the end. You're backsliding into the flames of drag.


Ricky
Jesus, el cristo!
Why are you here? Why? I know that your time has come. You need to leave. Then you made something that I found half cute. *SIGH*
I loved it much better in progress. I still very much liked the bodice, but the hemline was not working for me. I can't even tell you how annoyed I was that you cried when being complimented. Please stop crying. Or keep crying and then swim out of the competition next week on a river of tears. Whatever.


Rami
I really liked this. It was both chic and a little downtown cool. I liked you much better as well. I hope you being classy isn't an act for the competition. I'd like to believe that last week was a lapse in judgment, rather than a lapse in facade. I'm so glad they gave you a material which prevented you making another goddamned twisted strap.


Victorya
This was SO BORING. Your outfit was not the ugliest, but it's a affront to the spirit of competition with the other final six designers that you made such a lazy garment. It literally looked like you took a stock denim jacket I had in my closet and sewed on lapels and an incredibly ugly denim back skirt to the bottom. It looked like something anyone could do in an hour, and I believe another designer actually commented on that fact. If you're gonna do something that's a take-off on the materials you've got, please take the time to actually rework the garment and make it look mildly original, okay? This is a message to Victorya's remaining comrades in the competition.


Sweet P
I really liked this. I'm ever so glad that you consistently listen to Tim. You're obviously not untalented, but you seem to lack direction and taste level. I don't think you should be in the final 3 either, but you seem to be holding your own as of late.


Jillian
Disgusting. When they panned up this outfit, I nearly lost my dinner. It's a high concept that utterly failed considering the materials weren't AT ALL suited to this design. Stop over-reaching! Simple = chic sometimes! Seriously, only the egregious affront to effort that was Victorya's design could make you look like the better choice!
PS, your lame attempt to make Victorya look like a copy cat with "I didn't know she had any interest in coats" was transparent and stupid. Every designer should have interest in something so basic! Like freakin' fabric is your territory and everyone else has to sew with plant fibers or something!
Dude, I think I've reached by breaking point with you.

Bryant Park Three:
1. Rami
2. Sweet P
3. Chris (keep it fresh and tasteful, we don't want Ricky or Jillian here)

Hair Scare

This week on PR the gang have to create an avant-garde runway look inspired by their chosen model's hairstyle. They also had to team up, which they seemed to have done a lot this season - hooray for carefully orchestrated drama! Finally, they were told 14 hrs from the end of day 2 (which sounds like the beginning of day 2 to me *scratches head*) they were told that they had to construct a second ready-to-wear look that captured the essence of their couture garment a la a true fashion designer. Bricks were being shitted left and right, and as usual, Jillian had the biggest brick in the pile.
So, first off, why God why do you keep letting Ricky have last model pick? I swear if you let him pick an hors d'œuvre off a tray he would start crying and apologize to all the canapés that he left uneaten.
Secondly, how awesome of a team were Chris and Christian? Christian seemed less pessimistic, while Chris seemed twice as funny. They are like David Spade and Chris Farley, a winningly hilarious combination. PS- Does anyone else notice that Christian resembles Chris Kattan? Am I tripping? Saturday Night Live take note at the great sketch opportunity, not that anybody watches you since you haven't been good since the early 90's. Frankly, I'm not sure if Chris Kattan is still on. I don't know who's on that show other than that guy from Hot Rod (not sure anybody saw that either) *shrugs*.
Moments I loved:
Chris speaking in a strange Dame Edna drawl "Alright M*therf*cker, Come on, let's sew!"
Chris and Christian dancing off the runway after their win. Chris actually did a jig! Too cute!
Victorya saying "We actually had three looks so we should win hahahaha" CUT TO: Christian's face. Priceless.



Chris and Chrisitan
I thought that your couture look was devastating! It looked like a Parisian Cake that Marie Antoinette would snack on. It was definitely very provocational (provocative is probably a better choice, but it seems to convey sensuality - which does not describe this dress). Didn't all of you have a very strong gut reaction? That's what runway drama is all about.
The r-t-w look was boring. The skirt did suck. But that's a design team I can get behind; I love you two even better together! Like peanut butter and jelly, I can't tell what a winning combination you are!



Rami and Sweet P
Rami, you were an asshole this episode. I wanted you to be kicked off over Kit just based on what a shitty leader/human being you were. You were so childish, you might as well have put a tape line across your workstation and told Sweet P she couldn't cross. Let's face it; the proof is in the pudding. Sweet P made an adorable dress I would love to wear, and you made a couture garment so boring it wasn't even worth mentioning. Where was the drama? You used it all up in catfights with your teammate.
To sum it up: Sweet P "I'm just hoping we don't end up in some kinda fist fight." For being a tough looking lady, you took way too much shit from Rami about the couture gown. You shouldn't have actually let him boss you around, unless you're a savvy minx who was setting him up for failure. Hmmmm....



Kit and Ricky
What can I say? I can't disagree with the judges. Both garments looked old and homespun (in a bad way). You apparently took up position as team hillbilly. I'm only sad that this failure was the death toll for Kit and not Ricky. If Ricky makes it to the final ...ugh *shudders to think*. He is the most talent less person left in the competition. I don't understand how he keeps surviving. He's like the bitchy office manager that everyone hates that sticks to your company like a cockroach you can't kill...



Jillian and Victorya
I loved the coat. Very Vivienne Westwood vintage. Alexander McQueen-esque. Totally my flavor of couture. The shirt and pants were boring. I disagree that they should have shown them on the runway walk. The dress that Jillian pulled out of her ass was also boring. She knew it. She talks like a robot or a kindergarten teacher or something. It's not really calm or zen, it's like she's completely detached from her emotions (prescription drug addiction anyone?). She really gets under my skin...I don't feel oo bad Victorya got the boss position by complete chance this time...
To those of you who wonder why this team lost to Chris and Christian, their couture look was solid, but the style is evocative of several punk-ish designers. This couture piece was completely derivative and lacked the innovation and fantasy of the fluffy dress, k thx bai.

Fave 5 is over! There's not enough warm bodies left. I'm not picking people I like now, just picking winners. Aren't winners usually assholes? Now we cut to:
Picks for Bryant Park:
1. Christian
2. Victorya
3. Jillian

Prom: One of the most important moments in every woman's life?

Really? I'm not so sure about that...
I think a lot of us spent prom drinking and watching old movies just like sweet Chris.
So this week the remaining nine designers had to team up with girls from a New Jersey Catholic School to comission their prom dresses.
The episode opens with Victorya saying she misses Elisa. Don't fake the funk Victorya...we know that you don't have a soul.
Heidi announces the challenge and in classic Christian Haterade-drinking mode he says "I think prom is tacky and gross." Not that he's wrong, but does Christian really like anything besides himself and his hair products?
Highlights included:
Kevin's prom picture, complete with hoop earrings, lmao.
Ricky crying about how his mom used to make prom dresses for his sisters as though she were now dead.
Ricky talking about how he dated a girl in high school and made her prom dress...who was more confused?
Victorya's high schooler telling her that she was with Victorya because she got last pick, but don't worry, she still likes her. It reminded me of choosing high school (insert sport here) teams. Victorya is the fat kid with glasses and asthma.
Sweet P saying she had a great time at her prom, if you know what she means *giggle*.


Sweet P
Meh. I didn't understand the excitement. Maybe it looked better in person? It was not all that flattering, the color was bland...I just don't get it...


Victorya
I thought the dress was pretty cute until you put all those hideous multi colored jewels on the front. I would've much preferred tonal button detail, but I'm a sucker for buttons. Oh yeah, and I HATE bubble hem. Let it go!


Chris
Very classy. I was suprised. Nice color. The problem remains that this looks like any of a handful of typical promwear designers, ABS or Jessica McClintock or Tadashi or Cache...whatever...its basically like trying to find a Starbucks. Throw a stone and you'll hit three. Your laugh is adorable and Mozart-like (a la Tom Hulce anyways).


Kevin
Ugly, slutty, now let's talk about the dress. Just kidding...but seriously you had to go and say those parting words to forever cement your straightness in the public consciousness didn't you? Wow, I got a hug from Heidi Klum, and as a non-gay man, that's not the worst thing in the world is it fellow non-homosexuals? Look at my boner!
I would almost say you didn't deserve to be kicked off this week if not for that...



Jillian
It's looks better in this picture then it did on the runway. I really liked the back, but the front didn't quite make it. Cute colors, awkward construction.


Christian
Man, you must've been on your period this week. You were a negative nancy. Your dress was a mess. Basically, you did a couture runway piece for a typical American body, and frankly, that's just mean. There's plenty of ways to flatter a full figured woman and you really just made the poor opinionated girl look bad...


Kit
This dress was actually my favorite. Bold, funky and very cute!


Ricky
Your dress was the worst. Poorly constructed, sloppy, ugly color. You should've been in the bottom two and gone home, but it seems like they keep you around week after week for your lost puppy personality alone.


Rami
So old looking. It wasn't ugly, but it was totally wrong for the tone of prom. Misfire.

Afterward:
Am I the only one that thought having the highschoolers on the judging runway with the designers was mean? Some of these girls liked their dresses and were judged to be the worst designs. Kevin's girl looked crestfallen and they're sitting there looking at her and saying it looks cheap, etc. Couldn't a teenage girl easily confuse criticism of their outfit with criticism of them? No young woman needs to be pageant-ified if they didn't choose that life (because let's face it, so many actresses, singers, and models are teenagers who make their living on their looks, but that doesn't mean the average girl should be subjected to those standards). I just hope those girls knew what they were getting into and had thick skin...

In My Fave 5
Kit
Tim Gunn
Chris
Victorya
The crazy looking millionaire matchmaker lady

Candy, Girls!

Zac Posen and a boatload of candy all in one ep?! you may have kept me waiting for 2 lonely weeks, but baby, it was worth the pain. This episode was not only the first really creative assignment to date this season, but it was also full of comedy.
The first bit that caught my eye?
Kevin, who's certainly not gay and never was, bemoaning the fact that his passel of homosexual housemates is gone from his room.
Then during cattle call, Christian dumps his model and mouths something to the tune of "I still love you, baby" to which she might as well have mouthed "Fuck off, bitch."
Of course, Ricky was brought to tears in the first five minutes just because he had the last pick and had to send two models out to pasture...just let him go first people, we don't need another trail of tears!
Did anyone else besides me pity the poor woman who was the spokesperson for Hershey? I know candy sells itself, but take a public speaking class honey! A robot with cue cards would've been an improvement.
And for the few of you who don't tivo/dvr and skip the commercials, what kind of uppers is Santino on now? I don't remember that much enthusiasm from him in his whole season on PR.


Ricky
Boy! This skirt looks like a pot-bellied stove...no...check that...it looks like one of your damned ugly hats. How's a girl supposed to rock that inflatable ass outfit!?
You were lucky the top half was okay and there was other boring ass shit around to save your ass from being grass...


Chris
I didn't really love or hate it, but the judges weren't wrong when they admired your uncharacteristic restraint.


Kit
Very punk rock. Very fun.


Elisa
"Magic, Magic, Magic!"
Ick! Honey there was a reason that this was your time to be aufed. God love you, the sob story this ep only telegraphed your demise. You are very sweet for a crazy person and we'll likely miss your antics.


Kevin
You're an inverse function. The more I hate you personally, the more I like your designs. Your 40's look this week is the outfit that I would be most likely to sport. You worked it out, even if you are homophobic, and not gay, and whatnot. I loved that for once I bought your Jersey tough guy routine when you threatened to off Christian.


Christian
"Great, we just make shit out of candy"
"This is my pile, bitches, don't touch it!"
You and your potent quotables are the highlight of this season. and the hair.
Your dress was pretty, but can't you use a jewel tone once in awhile? What's with all the darkness? It's all black and brown until you team up and make an ugly robins egg blue spandex monster a few weeks ago. It wasn't the color! It was the dress!


Sweet P
Boring. You're flailing far to much to be in the final 9.


Rami
I loved it as art, not as an actual outfit. Very couture. It reminded me of a biker harajuku girl. Maybe a waitress in Blade Runner? It was quite eye-catching and you deserved the win.


Jillian
It didn't do it for me, but my husband did like it. I loved the idea and the candy was a bold (and foolhardy) choice, but it just didn't fit the way a non-candy version would've. Course, I'm not a fan of the disembodied neckline strapless dress. I remember hating the motion of this Nicole Kidman Oscar dress.

I'm of the opinion that a strapless dress should be fitted on top, after all we don't want our tits popping out on national television, now do we ladies? Though I guess neither Nicole Kidman, nor a supermodel, is a good example of someone who has to worry about a breastacle accident.


Victorya
Boring and ugly. Looks like a Stepford wife's apron dress. The only striking thing was that pose you were so proud of "devising" because it made your model look like a retarded robot.

In My Fave 5 This Week:
Zac Posen
Rami
Kevin
Chrisitan
Kit

Afterward:
The more I see Jillian, the more of a problem I think she has. Not that everyone else isn't posturing, but she seems to have ZERO confidence. She is always so careful and primped and rigid, just waiting to be mocked or beat up. People don't like a mannequin, so drop your shields and get real!